Too Far

Enconsced in the warm embrace of family,

I should be there.

Miles of distance separate,

For what purpose I ask myself as I sear.

Happiness out of reach,

Not here.

Circles envelope in my mind,

Of stories, or circumstances,

Of how they need me

And I, them.

My past plays on rewind.

As I sit here, perched in dilemmas,

And give birth to lifeless dreams,

This mindless heart reflects on her sorrows.

Too tired to try,

Too hurt to care.

Not here, I say.

I should be there.

-N.B.

The Right Thing

Criticism strikes like a knife to my soul,

Disguised as a joke,

But the pain stings sincere.

Was the right thing to spin the wheels of my rusty mind faster?

Was the right thing to never ask at all?

I am unaware of how I got here.

I am unsure of how my story ends,

All I know is this static condition,

And it was I who set the tone.

Forever pleasing,

Always willing,

Like a dog for approval’s bone.

I just wanted to do the right thing,

Let me try, Oh no, how dare I,

If I asked, shame on me,

I should’ve known.

The truth cuts deep,

When it stares you down in your reflection.

Accept your faults, and leave thoughts be.

But still I wonder,

What miraculous event will move my needle?

Its foundation stiff and stern.

A sea of mistakes, I’m always swimming,

But to drown, despicable me, I yearn.

No book or words could teach me,

My mind will never learn.

Come up for air,

Bad decisions, I breathe in.

One word, One trigger,

And my gun of sorrows lit.

Tragic clarity consumes my hope.

And then I know,

The right thing was never here.

The right thing required better.

Silly girl, too blind to see,

The right thing was not inside you.

The right thing was never me.

-N.B.

Desert Lullaby

A small excerpt from a fantasy novel I am working on:

Desert Lullaby

Cursed am I, for the crickets do chirp,

At night in a land, so quietly serene,

So desolate and vast,

As I sit here gazing at the dust in the sky,

I am but nothing

But a mourner, a sea-side foreigner,

In the desert of my mind,

Shalt my body whither so divine.

-N.B.

Tell Me How It Is

I always sit here wondering, pondering, thinking it over.

I sometimes lay awake, wishing I could ask you, but not hear the answer.

The truth is, I think of myself as a stranger,

A girl I do not know,

A woman half baked, but mostly burned.

Troubled by her past, and unsure of what comes next.

She wants for everything and, yet, does nothing,

But sits here blankly staring, thinking herself to death.

-N.B.

Who We Were

Sometimes its a song, spinning my mind in circles

Of what we had, 

Of who we were,

Of how it was. 

In these rose colored glasses,

I see only the good.

The two of us laughing in the streets,

Forgetting our way, our path, our reasons.

Rain soaked us through to the bone, but carefree we ran.

Paper bag, not on head, 

Because that pie was more important,

Handmade in the city that made us.

That wove us,

Together, like two separate strings of yarn,

You blue and me pink. 

The two of us sinking into the sandy deep,

Sunset over the horizon,

I cover my face with yours, just before

That high rushes me towards the water.

And you laugh, your face splashed with smiles. 

Its just a smile,

Thoughts of us bring to my reminiscent face,

Filling me with glee, as I delight in our  memories

In the way it was.

And in these moments, I forget the way it is. 

I forget the struggles that this dream has cost us.

I forget the goals we wrote,

With fast pens and slow hands. 

My mind forgets it all, 

But my heart remembers how it was. 

In that life, we had no reasons, no consequences.

We lived in the now, and oh,

How, 

We lived. 

-N.B.

Mellow Drama

This one is for my fiancé, who, on a daily basis, saves me from myself and my worst hidden fears.

This room has seen it all,

And yet its still standing, stark still.

Your mind wrapped up in a rectangle

Until my sigh blows with a telling chill.

Per usual, you see through my facade,

And when I tell you, “I am fine,”

My face caked with it’s lies,

You inch a little closer,

And peer into my eyes.

Inside you see the clear blue,

Pooling water, like the ocean

Just as the sun sets and the high tide rolls in,

Pulling me under,

Waves thrashing at my body,

Like knives thrown asunder.

It was just a question,

But now I am drowning

In all of my hidden sorrows,

And somehow you have an answer

For each ridiculous notion.

Somehow you throw me a lifeboat,

In my endless chaotic ocean.

-N.B.

Mice Become Men.

This is wrong, I feel.

Petty earthquakes shatter my ground,

As I arrive helpless and unaware

Of the damage left undone,

The words left unsaid,

The temper that equally, we do not share.

Perhaps it’s time

For mice to become men.

In this war I foresee,

In this battle I shall rage,

Against your damnation,

Against your sins,

Unlocking your narrow minded cage.

For this new place I had hope,

In this new place I found a hollow

Scapegoat of lies.

Your words will not damn me.

From this low, I shall rise.

-N.B.